The scene is Davis Park, corner of Lee and Capitol, mere steps from numerous unsuspecting office buildings (one very much like the office building you yourself may work in). Out to enjoy a nice leisurely lunch in the heat of summer, my day is instantly rattled by the strike of The Jacket Thief. There, just walking across the park, are three men, dressed as normal as one can dress when one buys their clothes from Sears. That is, from the waist down. From the waist up is a completely different story.
Usually, a self-respecting man would expose only his head and hands, poking very innocently from underneath his jacket. Expected attire for an office-dwelling man. These men, however, were verging on the precipice of nakedness. Yes, you guessed it: The Jacket Thief had struck. I sat there, horrified at the site of exposed forearms. The Jacket Thief had not only stolen their jackets, but also ripped the arms of their shirts, fastening some type of almost short-sleeved shirt. A truly disgusting site.
But the men seemed unaware, obviously in shock from the traumatic attack. They just walked across the park. Only did they come to when the police officers I frantically summoned from across the street came upon them. I begged them to offer a description of The Jacket Thief, but they merely shrugged. "Come on men, help us catch this vile creature," I implored. But they were no help. With glazed eyes, they simply told the police officers that they had dressed this way this morning when they left their houses. Again, I blamed the shock, but neither the men nor the police officers would have any of my protests.
This has become my life as of late: trying to catch a hardened criminal that the citizens of this city are afraid to out. They are so petrified of the Jacket Thief that no one will come forward. Men even go as far as to falsly admit that they would intentionally dress themselves this way. Ghastly, I know. But that is the world we live in here in Charleston. A world where men would rather be stripped of both their jackets and pride than admit they were so rudely violated.
I can only hope for a brighter future. A future when men are not fearful of The Jacket Thief. A future of men wearing what they rightfully deserve: their jackets.
